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 Posted:   Mar 28, 2013 - 9:39 PM   
 By:   losher22   (Member)

New word in Webster's Dictionary - "Exhaustipated"

Definition - Too tired to give a shit.


Nice! Reminds me of one I use at work when I can:

"Anal Glaucoma"

Definition - When you don't see your ass coming in to work that day.

 
 Posted:   Oct 4, 2013 - 5:40 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

10 year old Timmy was burying something in his backyard. His neighbor, Mr. Jones, asked what it was.

"My goldfish died" Timmy said as he patted down the dirt.

"I'm sorry to hear that" Mr. Jones replied. "Isn't that a rather large hole for a fish?"

Timmy said "It's in the middle of your cat."

 
 Posted:   Oct 5, 2013 - 3:15 PM   
 By:   Mark R. Y.   (Member)

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9!

 
 Posted:   Dec 31, 2013 - 9:16 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will.

There is no need to remind him every six months about it.

 
 Posted:   Jan 2, 2014 - 12:41 PM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

You might have to be from the rural South (USA) to get these:

What has 102 legs and 6 teeth? Front row at a Merle Haggard concert.

“My wife says I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop anytime”.

A recently-widowed older lady decides to take up fishing for a hobby. She goes to a local bait and tackle store and is mildly surprised to find the proprietor is blind. She asks his advice for what to buy to start her new hobby. He reaches behind the counter, feels around and produces a nice rod and reel saying; “This is a good starter and it’s only $29.95”. He repeats the process and shows her a tackle box stocked with a good supply of lures, hooks, sinkers, etc. “This will get you going and it’s $39.95. With taxes that’ll be $73.40, ma’am.” Very impressed she asks; ”No offense intended but how were you able to find those items so quickly?” He replies; “Well it’s like they say, other senses such as hearing, smell, feel, can often compensate for a lack of eyesight.” “That’s amazing!” she says. She accidently drops her wallet to the floor and upon bending over to retrieve it she passes gas quite audibly. Slightly embarrassed and hoping he didn’t notice, she counts out $75. “Sorry ma’am”, but you’re a little short. That’ll be $137.87.” “But you just said ‘$73.40’!” she protests. He replies; “That was before you added the $49.95 duck call and the $7.95 catfish bait.”

 
 Posted:   Jan 2, 2014 - 6:25 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

Two reasons why it is difficult to solve a Redneck murder...

  • All the DNA is the same

  • There are no dental records

  •  
     
     Posted:   Jan 2, 2014 - 6:30 PM   
     By:   dan the man   (Member)

    My aunt coming out of the beauty parlor.

     
     
     Posted:   Jun 27, 2014 - 6:16 AM   
     By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

    Sky Sports News showed that skier Lyndsey Vonn is now following Tiger Woods around the golf circuit.

    I knew after he split up with his wife that from then on it'd be downhill all the way.

     
     Posted:   Jan 24, 2015 - 7:50 PM   
     By:   Adam B.   (Member)

    An irate customer called her local newspaper and demanded to know why her Sunday edition hadn't been delivered.

    "Madam," the employee said, "Today is Saturday. The Sunday edition won't be delivered until tomorrow."

    The called responded, "Well, shit. That explains why no one was at church either!"

     
     
     Posted:   Jan 25, 2015 - 10:08 AM   
     By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

    Conjunctivitis.com

    That's a site for sore eyes.

     
     
     Posted:   Feb 9, 2015 - 5:18 AM   
     By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

    My wife found my inflatable doll yesterday and insisted that I get rid of it. It wasn't easy, but I let her down gently.

     
     Posted:   May 31, 2017 - 7:39 AM   
     By:   Adam B.   (Member)

    A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

     
     
     Posted:   May 31, 2017 - 10:25 AM   
     By:   BillCarson   (Member)

    W

     
     Posted:   Jun 1, 2017 - 6:15 AM   
     By:   jackfu   (Member)

    A young Airman in the USAF is assigned duty on the island of Guam. He goes missing one day and is feared AWOL. A search is organized and two of his buddies find him lying face down on a beach, biting the sand madly. They pull him up and try to get him cleaned up, when suddenly up walks the CO who quickly surmises what has happened, what with the Airman covered in sand and spitting some of it out.
    The CO yells: “Son, don’t you know it’s against regulations for an on-duty Airman to be chewing Guam?!?

     
     Posted:   Jun 1, 2017 - 7:19 AM   
     By:   DOGBELLE   (Member)

    if a bra is a over the shoulder bolder holder.
    and a jock strap is lower decker pecker checker
    what do you call a Japanese prize fighter
    who father has diarrhea and play's dice all day?

    he's a slap happy jappee with a crap happy pappy.

     
     Posted:   Jun 1, 2017 - 8:28 AM   
     By:   jackfu   (Member)

    Back in the days of VCRs and VHS, a buddy of mine would go to a local video rental store and rent porno movies frequently. Since they only had a small number of those in a room in the back of the store, he quickly went thru their inventory.
    Then one day he found one he hadn’t seen and rented it. He returned the tape claiming it wouldn’t work, only showing dashes and lines with lots of audible hiss. He found they had several more copies and tried each them only to have the same thing happen with all of them. Frustrated he asked for and got a refund of his rental fee, never understanding why it wouldn’t play properly on his VCR. The name of the tape? “Head Cleaner”.

     
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