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A 13 year old boy comes home and confesses to his Mom that he had sex with his math teacher that day. His mother is livid. "Just wait til your Dad gets home! Go to your room, NOW!"
So the kid goes into exile awaiting his punishment.
Dad comes home and his wife breaks the news. Dad says, "I'll handle this." and goes to junior's room. "Is this true?". he asks.
"Yup, Dad, it happened."
His father gets a huge shit eating grin, stands up, high fives his son and says, "My little Man! I couldn't be more proud of you if I tried! After dinner, we are going to go out and buy you the greatest bicycle of your dreams!"
All is swell.
Dad comes home the next evening and notices that the bike is still in the garage as it was left the night before. Puzzled, he goes to junior's room and asks why he didnt't take it to school.
Junior replies, "Gee, Dad, my ass still hurts!"
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Heard that joke years ago.
Here's a two part joke for you guys:-
Who's the most popular guy in the nudist colony?
The one who can carry two cups of tea and twelve ring donuts.
Who's the most popular woman in the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut...
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(Q) Whatta get when you cross a penis with a potato?
(A) A dick 'tater!
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How about the one about the kid who goes to the police station, beside himself with fear, balling his head off? The cop behind the desk calms him down and finally gets the lad to tell him what's wrong. "My parents are going to leave me behind! They're going someplace without me!"
The cop asks him what gave him this notion.
"I was walking past their bedroom this morning and the door was shut. I heard all this commotion and finally daddy yelled, "I'm pulling out!" and mommy screamed, "I'm coming, too!"
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Two nuns in the bath. One says 'where's the soap?' and the other replies 'yes it does, doesn't it?'
Two nuns in a car and a vampire lands on the bonnet (hood). One nun says to the other 'show him your cross!' and the other leans out the window and yells 'get off my f***ing car!!!!'
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Man shouts to his wife 'Cum look at my clock'. His wife walks in to find hubby naked with a hard on. Wife says 'that's not a clock'. Hubby replies 'Will be when you put two hands and a face on it!'...
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Did you hear about the vegetarian cannibals? They only ate swedes...
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Some people from around the world and especially americans have trouble to know which is which between Sweden and Switzerland.
I have trouble with Swedes and turnips. Swedes are a bit yellow, and turnips more orangey.
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(Q) Why did the rubber cross the street?
(A) It got pissed off.
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Q. What's smaller than a teeny-weeny ant?
A. An ant's teeny weenie.
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The English teacher asks the class if any of them can define the word "Indefinitly"
Little Johnny waves his hand so long and enthusiastcally that the teacher says, "Alright, Johnny, please share with the class".
Little Johhny stands up smiling and says,
INDEFINITLY- "when your balls are slapping her ass, you're INDEFINITLY!
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Why can't dogs dance?
Two left feet.
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