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 Posted:   Nov 25, 2020 - 2:07 AM   
 By:   KeV McG   (Member)

They scoffed when I told them I’d one day learn the secret of invisibility; if they could only see me now.

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!

I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.

I’m sure wherever my dad is; he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.

Surely every car is a people carrier?

I never lie on my CV…because it creases it.

I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine.


There's plenty more here...(they cheer me up). Enjoy!

https://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-reviews/top-100-jokes-edinburgh-festival-6351317

https://inews.co.uk/light-relief/jokes/edinburgh-fringe-one-liners-best-jokes-170356

 
 
 Posted:   Nov 25, 2020 - 7:27 AM   
 By:   Damian   (Member)

Velcro, what a rip off.

 
 Posted:   Nov 25, 2020 - 8:13 AM   
 By:   BillCarson   (Member)

Apparently, tampons arent a "proper present"

 
 Posted:   Nov 25, 2020 - 2:00 PM   
 By:   DavidinBerkeley   (Member)

If I say you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

 
 
 Posted:   Nov 25, 2020 - 2:29 PM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

I asked my girlfriend if she’d help me indulge my footwear fetish. She shooed me off.

 
 
 Posted:   Nov 27, 2020 - 7:04 AM   
 By:   Damian   (Member)

Uri Gellar, remarkably hard to stab.

 
 
 Posted:   Nov 27, 2020 - 7:10 AM   
 By:   Rameau   (Member)

Unfortunately he drowned in a vat of cake mix. It wasn't very deep, but the currents were very strong.

 
 Posted:   Nov 27, 2020 - 8:50 AM   
 By:   Jim Phelps   (Member)

“If you want to fit in with society you have to wear ugly sneakers.”

~Overheard, 1999

 
 
 Posted:   Nov 28, 2020 - 4:38 PM   
 By:   Nightingale   (Member)

Someone broke into my house and stole all my anti-depressants! Well, whoever he is, I hope he's happy....

 
 
 Posted:   Nov 28, 2020 - 11:20 PM   
 By:   barryfan   (Member)

No one goes there anymore. It's too crowded!

 
 
 Posted:   Nov 29, 2020 - 11:13 AM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

When I die, cremate me wearing a Manchester United shirt. Something good might as well come of it.

 
 Posted:   Nov 30, 2020 - 1:44 PM   
 By:   agentMaestraX   (Member)

Hospitals don't send paraplegics home by bus.

 
 Posted:   Nov 30, 2020 - 1:52 PM   
 By:   agentMaestraX   (Member)

It's never too late to do nothing.

 
 Posted:   Dec 2, 2020 - 3:53 AM   
 By:   Jehannum   (Member)

I'm starting a breatharian buffet restaurant. All you can't eat for £15.

 
 Posted:   Dec 2, 2020 - 5:19 AM   
 By:   Adventures of Jarre Jarre   (Member)

You can get a couple things or two.

 
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