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Posted: |
Apr 1, 2020 - 8:17 AM
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By: |
dragon53
(Member)
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WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1
INDIANA JONES AND THE BEASTS OF THE CONGO---Harrison Ford announced the plot for the fifth movie will have Indiana Jones and a beautiful paleontologist searching for the legendary Mokele-Mbembe and other dinosaurs that inhabit the Congo River Basin. They must save the dinosaurs from a billionaire who plans to put them on exhibit in his amusement park off the coast of Costa Rica.
Gal Gadot will play the beautiful paleontologist, and David Koepp will write the script.
SAVING MR. VADER---Sony Pictures is developing the sequel to SAVING MR. BANKS in which Tom Hanks stars as the ghost of Walt Disney, who persuades George Lucas to sell Lucasfilm to the Walt Disney Company for $4.05 billion. The Walt Disney Company then cranks out STAR WARS movies that many fans love to hate, while refusing to listen to his suggestions. Lucas spends the rest of his life regretting he sold his legendary movie franchise to the real evil Empire, the Walt Disney Company.
MR. LOBOT---new Disney+ STAR WARS spinoff tv series starring Patrick Stewart as Lobot, Lando Calrissian's assistant. Lobot pilots the Millennium Falcon with a diverse team of Rebel commandos to find and rescue Lando, who has been frozen in carbonite by the evil Empire, somewhere in the galaxy.
The Rebel commandos will be played by Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, Marina Sirtis, LeVar Burton, Michael Dorn and Gates McFadden.
STAR TREK: KILL BILL SHATNER, VOLUME 1---Quentin Tarantino announced William Shatner will star in his R-rated STAR TREK movie which will be a reboot of STAR TREK: GENERATIONS, the sequel which featured the much-maligned killing off of Capt. James T. Kirk.
Tarantino said, "STAR TREK: KILL BILL SHATNER, VOLUME 1 will give Capt. Kirk the dignified and heroic death he deserves, unlike that stinking piece of sh*t STAR TREK: GENERATIONS."
The reboot movie will use de-aging CGI to make Shatner appear younger as was done with Carrie Fisher in recent STAR WARS movies.
STAR TREK: MUDD'S WIFE---Sarah Paulson will star in the latest CBS All Access STAR TREK spinoff tv series about Harry Mudd's wife, Stella, who divorced her husband. She and her all-female crew then embark on an intergalactic journey where no woman has gone before to liberate and empower females of all species.
THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN---the cast of the all-female remake of the classic 1960 John Sturges Western was announced. The plot involves a poor Mexican village that hires seven female gunslingers to protect it from a drug lord who is trying to take over the village and turn it into a base for smuggling drugs into the US.The original movie starred Yul Bryner, Steve McQueen, James Coburn, Charles Bronson, Robert Vaughn, Horst Bucholz, Brad Dexter and Eli Wallach. Patty Jenkins is the director.
Christine "Chris" Adams---Charlize Theron
Vanessa "Vin" Tanner---Gal Gadot
Britt---Sandra Bullock
Kate Lee---Emily Blunt
Bernardette "Bernardo" O'Reilly---Lupita Nyong'o
Harriet "Harry" Luck---Bryce Dallas Howard
Chico---Penelope Cruz
Calvera---Javier Bardem
Wise Old Woman---Judi Dench
THE GREAT ESCAPE---Christian Bale, who is well known for losing large amounts of weight to play various movie roles, had his biggest weight-loss ever when he lost 89 pounds to play a POW in the Steven Spielberg remake of the classic 1963 John Sturges World War II movie. The plot involves Allied POWs trying to escape from an escape-proof German POW camp. The original movie starred Steve McQueen, James Coburn, Charles Bronson, James Garner, Richard Attenborough and Donald Pleasence.
AIRPLANE! 2020: DARK SIDE OF THE MOON---Kim Kardashian has joined the cast of the official sequel to the classic 1980 disaster movie spoof. Kardashian will play the adult version of the girl passenger with the coffee who said, "I take it black----like my men."
DOCTOR WHO---in response to the avalanche of fan criticism about a female Doctor Who and excessive political correctness, showrunner Chris Chibnall announced the tv series will return to a male star and named RuPaul as the new Doctor Who.
TRIVIA---in 2005, Adam Sandler turned down the starring role in BATMAN BEGINS because he did not think the audience would believe he was really Batman. Instead, Sandler took the starring role of ex-Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Paul Crewe in the THE LONGEST YARD remake.
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Way I see it, the Doctor Who one is way to close for comfort!! Nothing would surprise me these days with that show...
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Good one drag.
It works too well because so often i think some of the scary shit coming down the pipe is april fool. 
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Fantastic Dragon, that all female 'Magnificent Seven' might be better than the remake from a couple of years ago !!!
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I love it when dragon does these, and yes, most are potentially better than the real stuff he actually posts.
Bravo Sir 
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"Someone on another forum took it literally and accused me of being racist, sexist, etc.----apparently he realized it was April Fools and later deleted the content of his post"
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Pity he couldn't have either laughed it off, poking fun at HIMSELF for not getting the joke, or apologised to you, like a man, instead of being a wimp and deleting his BS tirade.
That's the problem with this internet shenanigans!!
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