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Where did the walrus from Alabama go to see a dentist?
Tuscaloosa.
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Warning: adult-rated, probably offensive etc.
Did you know that 85 percent of men don't know how to turn on a dishwasher? I find that sucking nipples and playing with the clitoris usually does the trick.
My mum said it's doesn't work, not any more. 
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Food is the best medicine - it really is.
Scoff all you like.
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I was in the grocery store the other day buying a few items. A carton of milk, a box of cereal, a bag of frozen berries, not much more.
I get to the long check-out line and there was this elderly lady in front of me who, when she noticed me, kept looking back and practically staring at me with astonishment.
She saw that I saw her doing that, then she blushed and said, "I'm so sorry for staring at you like this, but, and I didn't mean to startle you, but you look so much like my late son. He would have been about your age and you truly look like how he would have if he was still alive." Tears welled up in her eyes.
I told her my condolences and said it was all right.
Shyly, she then asked if she could call me "son" as we chatted while waiting for our turns at the check-out counter. I said I'd be honored and, for that brief couple of minutes or so, I allowed her to have her little poignant fantasy that she was conversing with her deceased son.
Finally it was her turn to check out. She had a sizable load of groceries, so as I waited I zoned out a bit and reflected on the sweetly odd encounter we had just had. As she pushed her cart of bags out to the door, she called back at me, "Goodbye, son!" I waved with a big smile and yelled, "Goodbye, mom!"
The clerk then bagged my items and told me the price. "That will be $158.54, sir."
I gaped at him in stunned surprise. "One hundred and....How can that be? I only have a few cheap items here!"
The grocery clerk said, "Yes, but this also includes your mother's groceries. She said you'd be paying for all of them."
"My mother???" I yiped. I took off running out the doors and saw the woman just getting into her car.
I charged over and grabbed onto her leg before she could shut the door. I kept pulling at her leg, pulling and pulling.
Just like I'm pulling yours. Happy April fool's!
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Why do leprechauns laugh when they run.
Coz the grass tickles their balls.
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What has a pigs tail and 2am in common?
They are both twirly.
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Ugly woman goes into a butchers shop.
"How much is that pig's head hanging up?"
"No, madam," says the butcher, "thats a mirror"
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Where is Jim Cleveland lately?
Anybody got a good punchline for this?
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Jim Cleveland goes into a bar with some jump leads...
Barman says "I will serve you, but dont start nuffin!"
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Posted: |
Jun 9, 2021 - 4:20 AM
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By: |
jackfu
(Member)
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An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in.
The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter.
The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s milk and then he took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Onlookers were completely shocked at the men’s behavior, but the old man didn’t seem to be fazed in the slightest.
Without a word of protest, he quietly left the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he?”
The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”
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Did you know owls don't mate in the rain….
They get too wet to woo.
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