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 Posted:   Apr 7, 2020 - 11:45 AM   
 By:   Charlie Chan   (Member)

Hey mate what's that animal lying in the road?
Oh that's Kippy.
Kippy?
Yeah mate - Kippy, the bushed kangaroo.

 
 
 Posted:   Apr 12, 2020 - 11:08 AM   
 By:   joan hue   (Member)

To go to the grocery store, they said a mask and gloves were enough. They lied. Everybody else had clothes on! (I'm sure this was Bill who showed up wearing only gloves and a mask.smile

 
 
 Posted:   Apr 12, 2020 - 12:48 PM   
 By:   Damian   (Member)

I still haven't decided where to go for Easter.The living room or the kitchen.

 
 Posted:   Apr 12, 2020 - 3:25 PM   
 By:   Jehannum   (Member)

Did you hear the one about the parrot with Tourette's?

Oh damn. We're not allowed to talk about polly tics.

 
 
 Posted:   Apr 13, 2020 - 3:14 AM   
 By:   Damian   (Member)

An hilarious joke from my youth.If you remember the quite famous as campaign,you may find it funny-


What has a hazel nut in every bite?

Squirrel shit. big grin

 
 Posted:   Aug 2, 2020 - 10:44 AM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

My latest invention....edible bacon masks. Think they'll sell?

 
 Posted:   Aug 3, 2020 - 2:25 AM   
 By:   Mark R. Y.   (Member)

- I say, I say, which hotel is the submarine crew staying at?
- Why, Conning Towers, of course!

 
 
 Posted:   Aug 5, 2020 - 2:47 AM   
 By:   KeV McG   (Member)

Why don't Ants ever get sick?

Because they have tiny little Anty Bodies..

 
 Posted:   Oct 22, 2020 - 8:06 PM   
 By:   Mark R. Y.   (Member)

A guy carrying a bag of classic French novels that he had just bought jumped quickly into the back seat of the taxicab causing the copy of Le Père Goriot to fall out onto the cab floor.
"Oh, my Balzac!" the man exclaimed.
"Sorry about that," the taxi driver said. "Been meaning to get softer seat cushions back there."

 
 
 Posted:   Oct 23, 2020 - 3:39 AM   
 By:   Damian   (Member)

A guy carrying a bag of classic French novels that he had just bought jumped quickly into the back seat of the taxicab causing the copy of Le Père Goriot to fall out onto the cab floor.
"Oh, my Balzac!" the man exclaimed.
"Sorry about that," the taxi driver said. "Been meaning to get softer seat cushions back there."


I was expecting this to be over my head but it wasn't. smile

 
 Posted:   Oct 23, 2020 - 7:55 AM   
 By:   Jim Phelps   (Member)

You jest, but I just traded a roll of toilet paper for the Ark of the Covenant.

I have resisted the urge to open it, though.


How do you open a roll of toilet paper.

D.S.


Sorry, Stu. Our trade is final; you own the toilet paper.

 
 Posted:   Nov 13, 2020 - 9:57 AM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat, closed his eyes and began to doze.
As the plane rolled out on the tarmac, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:“Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the plane. Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting. No, honey, not with ‘that Kevin from the accounting office’. It was with the boss. No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life. Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart!” Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, “Sue, hang up the d*mned phone and come back to bed!” Sue doesn’t use her cell phone in public any more.

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.” The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?” The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?" To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, let’s look for yours.”

 
 Posted:   Dec 16, 2020 - 3:14 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

This is why using the correct font is important.....

 
 
 Posted:   Dec 17, 2020 - 2:38 AM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

CLINT EASTWOOD is especially keen on that.

 
 Posted:   Dec 17, 2020 - 3:20 AM   
 By:   BillCarson   (Member)

"Im staying up new year's eve - not to see the new year in but to make sure this one leaves! "

 
 Posted:   Dec 17, 2020 - 5:14 AM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.

 
 Posted:   Dec 18, 2020 - 5:09 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

I was abducted by a group of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to me!

 
 Posted:   Dec 21, 2020 - 3:32 PM   
 By:   Mark R. Y.   (Member)

A man goes to a costume party with his girlfriend on his back, piggy-back style. The host comes up to him and asks, "What are you supposed to be?" The man says, "A snail." The still-dumbfounded host then says, "But who's that girl on your back supposed to be?" The man answers, "That's Michelle."

 
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