Film Score Monthly
FSM HOME MESSAGE BOARD FSM CDs FSM ONLINE RESOURCES FUN STUFF ABOUT US  SEARCH FSM   
Search Terms: 
Search Within:   search tips 
You must log in or register to post.
  Go to page:    
 
 Posted:   Aug 1, 2018 - 1:07 PM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

Two piranha in a tank. One of them says “do you know how to drive this?”

 
 
 Posted:   Aug 1, 2018 - 1:12 PM   
 By:   Tango Urilla   (Member)

Two piranha in a tank.

Sounds like a sequel to Snakes on a Plane.

 
 
 Posted:   Aug 1, 2018 - 1:14 PM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

A mixed metaphor finds itself on dodgy ice. Or thin ground. But it rolls off his back like a duck.

 
 
 Posted:   Aug 1, 2018 - 1:16 PM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

Sounds like a sequel to Snakes on a Plane.

What was that film about?

 
 Posted:   Aug 1, 2018 - 1:17 PM   
 By:   Justin Boggan   (Member)

WARNING: Old bad joke; laugh at your own risk of other people knowing you laughed at it:

Two cannibals are eating a clown when one looks at the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?".

 
 Posted:   Aug 1, 2018 - 1:24 PM   
 By:   BillCarson   (Member)

Two snowman in a garden
One says: Is it me or can you smell carrots? smile

 
 
 Posted:   Aug 1, 2018 - 1:26 PM   
 By:   Jim Cleveland   (Member)

Two piranha in a tank. One of them says “do you know how to drive this?”

BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!big grinbig grinbig grin Took me a minute to get this! big grin

 
 Posted:   Aug 1, 2018 - 1:46 PM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

What was the man's name?

wink

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

 
 
 Posted:   Aug 1, 2018 - 2:17 PM   
 By:   Tango Urilla   (Member)

Sounds like a sequel to Snakes on a Plane.

What was that film about?


Never saw it. Films about math bore me to tears. I’m strictly into cheesy actioners.

 
 
 Posted:   Aug 7, 2018 - 2:43 PM   
 By:   Jim Cleveland   (Member)

Man #1: "I'm constipated"
Man #2: "No shit!"

I just posted that because "Man #1" and I have something in common at the moment! big grinbig grinbig grinbig grin

 
 Posted:   Aug 7, 2018 - 2:54 PM   
 By:   BillCarson   (Member)

Eat 2 kiwi fruit.
And have a dessert spoon of lactulose.

Thats not a joke.

 
 Posted:   Aug 7, 2018 - 6:45 PM   
 By:   Justin Boggan   (Member)

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy all of her friends?

 
 
 Posted:   Aug 7, 2018 - 7:59 PM   
 By:   Jim Cleveland   (Member)

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy all of her friends?


HYSTERICAL!!!! big grinbig grinbig grinbig grin

 
 Posted:   Aug 8, 2018 - 12:03 PM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

That is a funny Bunny joke!

Another one:

A bear and a bunny meet in the woods at the base of a tree where both are taking a poop.
The bear asks: Mr. Bunny, does poop stick to your fur?
Initially terrified at the presence of such a large predator, the bunny is relieved at the rather innocuous question.
He replies: “No, it doesn’t.”
The bear replies: “That’s good!” The bear then grabs the bunny and wipes his butt with him, then plops him back to the ground.

 
 
 Posted:   Aug 8, 2018 - 3:19 PM   
 By:   jenkwombat   (Member)

Don't know if this one's been posted here (or even if I posted it a while back), but I've always found this one amusing, so here goes:


A man goes to see his Psychiatrist...

The man hysterically says, "You gotta help me, Doc! I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee. I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee. What's my problem?"

The Psychiatrist calmly responds, "That's easy,. You're two tents."

 
 Posted:   Aug 9, 2018 - 1:30 PM   
 By:   Justin Boggan   (Member)

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy all of her friends?


HYSTERICAL!!!! big grinbig grinbig grinbig grin



Those were from memory. From ShittyJokes.com:

Q: How much does tree bark cost?
A: Tree dollars.

Q: Why did Casears feet always hurt?
A: 'cause he was always Roman around.

Q: What is the Terminator's favorite food?
A: Pasta la vista, baby.

Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?
A: You're pointless.

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because he saw the salad dressing.

Q: What do you call someone else's cheese?
A: Natcho Cheese!

Q: What did one boob say to the other?
A: You're my breast friend.

Q: What time do cows go to sleep?
A: When it's pasture bedtime.

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.

 
 Posted:   Aug 9, 2018 - 1:37 PM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

Can you guess the correct reply?

Spielberg is planning a fim about great classical composers and asks some celebs whom they'd like to portray:

Oldman says: I'd like to be Beethoven (again)."

Hanks says: "How about I play Brahms?"

Arnold says:


 
 
 Posted:   Aug 9, 2018 - 1:40 PM   
 By:   Jim Cleveland   (Member)

Can you guess the correct reply?

Spielberg is planning a fim about great classical composers and asks some celebs whom they'd like to portray:

Oldman says: I'd like to be Beethoven (again)."

Hanks says: "How about I play Brahms?"

Arnold says:


"Ill be BACH"!
NEXT!?big grinbig grinbig grin:

 
 
 Posted:   Aug 10, 2018 - 12:26 AM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

Can you guess the correct reply?

Spielberg is planning a fim about great classical composers and asks some celebs whom they'd like to portray:

Oldman says: I'd like to be Beethoven (again)."

Hanks says: "How about I play Brahms?"

Arnold says:


“I need your Clouser boots and your Mozart cycle”

 
 Posted:   Aug 10, 2018 - 1:54 AM   
 By:   BillCarson   (Member)

Trust you to rattle off something even funnier! smile

 
You must log in or register to post.
  Go to page:    
© 2020 Film Score Monthly. All Rights Reserved...