Did you hear about the man in Miami who robbed an I phone store. He wore a cardboard box on his head, for a disguise. Only he couldn't see properly and so lifted the box up, so he could get a better look at his haul (19 phones & $8000). Naturally he did this while on cctv! Arrested later. Sounds like a joke but it was true, just read it an the news.
Billy connolly "Theres no such thing as bad weather...only wrong clothes!"
Billy connolly "Pam said Ive got us 2 tickets for the opera. I said Feck orf! Ive hated it all my life. I hate the sound of it. Dont wanna be within a feckin mile of it. It sucks. If i want to watch two fat people shouting at each other i'll go next door when theyre having dinner!!..."