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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta
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Saw this posted elsewhere:
Don't worry about the Coronavirus, it won't last long -- it was made in China.
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Q: What did one Chinese guy say when another Chinese guy grabbed him?
A: Woo -- han's!
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Experts say that the best weapon against the corona virus is common sense.
Looks like we´re doomed. Most of us are unarmed.
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Not one of mine but wothy
I interrupt the COVID-19 pandemic to let you know what happened to me at Morrisons when buying a bag of food for my dog. Already in line, a woman behind me asked me if I had a dog.
I stared at her and on impulse I told her no, that I didn’t have a dog, that I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but i did weigh 4 kilos less!
I told her that it was the perfect diet and that all you had to do is carry a few biscuits in your pocket and eat one or two every time you feel hungry (I have to mention that practically everyone in line was interested in my story).
Frightened, the woman asks me if I ended up in hospital because the dog food had poisoned me. I answered...of course not!
I was admitted because I bent down to snif the bum of a German Shepherd and I was hit by a DPD van .
I thought the man behind her was going to have a heart attack...he was laughing so hard!
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A man says to his wife - can you put that nurse uniform on.
She replies - ooh,are you feeling frisky.
He - No,we need a loaf.
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Breaking news - police at seaforth docks have discovered two tons of toilet paper hidden in cocaine. 
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There’s not much left on the shelves so I just bought what I could get my hands on, and I tried crab paste for the very first time.
It’s revolting - I’m taking it back to the chemist first thing tomorrow to get a refund...
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