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 Posted:   Mar 9, 2020 - 1:14 PM   
 By:   Justin Boggan   (Member)

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.



Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An impasta

 
 Posted:   Mar 9, 2020 - 3:11 PM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.



Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An impasta


big grin Good one, JB!

 
 Posted:   Mar 13, 2020 - 1:54 PM   
 By:   Justin Boggan   (Member)

Saw this posted elsewhere:

Don't worry about the Coronavirus, it won't last long -- it was made in China.

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 13, 2020 - 2:24 PM   
 By:   Octoberman   (Member)

Saw this posted elsewhere:
Don't worry about the Coronavirus, it won't last long -- it was made in China.



I guess the figure of speech, "slow boat to China" is going to have a whole new additional meaning now.

 
 Posted:   Mar 14, 2020 - 4:05 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

Heard on the PA systems at Walmart and Target stores....

"Attention Walmart/Target shoppers---because of panic buying we are opening a second register."

 
 Posted:   Mar 15, 2020 - 11:35 AM   
 By:   Justin Boggan   (Member)

Q: What did one Chinese guy say when another Chinese guy grabbed him?

A: Woo -- han's!

 
 Posted:   Mar 16, 2020 - 11:23 AM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

Heard on the PA systems at Walmart and Target stores....

"Attention Walmart/Target shoppers---because of panic buying we are opening a second register."


Now, that's worthy of a rimshot!

big grin

 
 Posted:   Mar 17, 2020 - 11:05 AM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

Indiana Jones' next quest....

 
 Posted:   Mar 17, 2020 - 11:25 AM   
 By:   Jim Phelps   (Member)

You jest, but I just traded a roll of toilet paper for the Ark of the Covenant.

I have resisted the urge to open it, though.

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 19, 2020 - 1:49 PM   
 By:   John Rokesmith   (Member)

Experts say that the best weapon against the corona virus is common sense.

Looks like we´re doomed. Most of us are unarmed.

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 20, 2020 - 8:57 AM   
 By:   Damian   (Member)

Not one of mine but wothy

I interrupt the COVID-19 pandemic to let you know what happened to me at Morrisons when buying a bag of food for my dog. Already in line, a woman behind me asked me if I had a dog.
I stared at her and on impulse I told her no, that I didn’t have a dog, that I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but i did weigh 4 kilos less!
I told her that it was the perfect diet and that all you had to do is carry a few biscuits in your pocket and eat one or two every time you feel hungry (I have to mention that practically everyone in line was interested in my story).
Frightened, the woman asks me if I ended up in hospital because the dog food had poisoned me. I answered...of course not!
I was admitted because I bent down to snif the bum of a German Shepherd and I was hit by a DPD van .
I thought the man behind her was going to have a heart attack...he was laughing so hard!

 
 Posted:   Mar 20, 2020 - 11:32 AM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

Not one of mine but wothy

I interrupt the COVID-19 pandemic to let you know what happened to me at Morrisons when buying a bag of food for my dog. Already in line, a woman behind me asked me if I had a dog.
I stared at her and on impulse I told her no, that I didn’t have a dog, that I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but i did weigh 4 kilos less!
I told her that it was the perfect diet and that all you had to do is carry a few biscuits in your pocket and eat one or two every time you feel hungry (I have to mention that practically everyone in line was interested in my story).
Frightened, the woman asks me if I ended up in hospital because the dog food had poisoned me. I answered...of course not!
I was admitted because I bent down to snif the bum of a German Shepherd and I was hit by a DPD van .
I thought the man behind her was going to have a heart attack...he was laughing so hard!


big grin

 
 Posted:   Mar 20, 2020 - 4:17 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

How I ration my TP.....

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 20, 2020 - 10:31 PM   
 By:   Octoberman   (Member)

You jest, but I just traded a roll of toilet paper for the Ark of the Covenant.
I have resisted the urge to open it, though.



 
 
 Posted:   Mar 26, 2020 - 11:52 AM   
 By:   Octoberman   (Member)

Not mine but worth repeating...

The difference between Bono and Jesus?
Jesus doesn’t walk down Grafton Street pretending to be Bono.

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 26, 2020 - 11:58 AM   
 By:   Damian   (Member)

A man says to his wife - can you put that nurse uniform on.
She replies - ooh,are you feeling frisky.
He - No,we need a loaf.

 
 Posted:   Mar 27, 2020 - 5:35 AM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

Gaffe master Joe Biden once pursued a life of crime, but failed when he tried to rob a bank.
He burst into the bank, waving a shotgun at the teller and shouted: "Stick your @ss in the air or I'll blow your hands off!"

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 27, 2020 - 7:12 AM   
 By:   Damian   (Member)

Breaking news - police at seaforth docks have discovered two tons of toilet paper hidden in cocaine. big grin

 
 Posted:   Mar 27, 2020 - 7:22 AM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

Breaking news - police at seaforth docks have discovered two tons of toilet paper hidden in cocaine. big grin

big grin

 
 
 Posted:   Mar 27, 2020 - 9:30 AM   
 By:   Damian   (Member)

There’s not much left on the shelves so I just bought what I could get my hands on, and I tried crab paste for the very first time.

It’s revolting - I’m taking it back to the chemist first thing tomorrow to get a refund...

big grin

 
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