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 Posted:   Aug 29, 2019 - 5:05 PM   
 By:   Last Child   (Member)

Thanks for all the of pun-ishment, Justin. smile

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

That one reminded of a 1948 cue name of a comical scene involving a bear that follows some people:
"A walk with a bear behind."

 
 Posted:   Aug 29, 2019 - 5:09 PM   
 By:   Last Child   (Member)

While from 1961, this kind of miscommunication and outrage hasn't changed at all, and if anything, is more rampant on the internet. The difference is Lucy is embarrassed she made a fool of herself.

 
 Posted:   Aug 30, 2019 - 1:44 PM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

A young fellow decides to try his luck at ice fishing. He brings all his fishing tackle, drills a hole in the ice and waits…and waits…and waits and gets colder and colder. He frequently checks his bait and nothing, not a bite.
He notices an older fellow nearby is really bringing them in and has soon caught his limit and starts to head home. The newby decides to ask about it.
Pardon me, friend, I haven’t even had so much as a nibble all day and you’ve hit it big time! Would you tell me your secret?”
The old fellow replies, “You gobla kleeb ya wumswam.”
“I’m sorry but what?”
“You gobla kleeb ya wumswam.”
“I’m really sorry but what did you say?”
With that the old fellow spits out a big blob of wriggling mass onto his hand. “You gotta keep your worms warm!”

 
 Posted:   Aug 31, 2019 - 7:43 PM   
 By:   Last Child   (Member)

 
 Posted:   Sep 4, 2019 - 6:06 AM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

What kind of music did the old woman who lived in a shoe like?

sole music

 
 
 Posted:   Sep 18, 2019 - 11:19 PM   
 By:   Bob DiMucci   (Member)

On The Tonight Show, Dennis Miller told Jimmy Fallon that he's writing the next James Bond movie.....Bitcoinfinger. [singing...] "He loves risk. He loves only risk. HE LOVES RIIIIIIIISK!"

 
 Posted:   Sep 26, 2019 - 3:52 AM   
 By:   Jehannum   (Member)

Why did the computer get the wrong answer?

Because it identified as non-binary

 
 Posted:   Oct 2, 2019 - 5:01 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

Husband: "I think I'm having a stroke!"

Wife: "Give me the password to your phone and I'll call an ambulance!"

Husband: "Uh, never mind. I'm feeling better."

 
 Posted:   Oct 3, 2019 - 5:33 AM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

Husband: "I think I'm having a stroke!"

Wife: "Give me the password to your phone and I'll call an ambulance!"

Husband: "Uh, never mind. I'm feeling better."


big grinbig grinbig grin

 
 
 Posted:   Oct 3, 2019 - 5:41 AM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

I thought I was having a heart attack the other day. My wife wrote for an ambulance.

 
 Posted:   Oct 3, 2019 - 6:37 AM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

Wife: "Hi, Honey, how was your day?"
Hubby: "Rough."
Wife: "Oh, sorry. Here, I have a drink ready for you."
Hubby: "Thanks. Oh, by the way, I stopped by to see the lawyer and had my will changed."
Wife: "Oh! Wait, let me get you a fresh drink."

 
 Posted:   Oct 3, 2019 - 1:38 PM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

How many Climate Activists does it take to spray fake blood on the Treasury Building?

Apparently more than these two:

https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-england-49918971/extinction-rebellion-lose-control-of-fake-blood-hose

 
 
 Posted:   Oct 3, 2019 - 1:46 PM   
 By:   Octoberman   (Member)

How many Climate Activists does it take to spray fake blood on the Treasury Building?

Apparently more than these two:

https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-england-49918971/extinction-rebellion-lose-control-of-fake-blood-hose



Two thoughts:
Why did it not occur to any of them to immediately shut down the valve?
How is fake blood good for the environment?

 
 Posted:   Oct 3, 2019 - 4:16 PM   
 By:   Mark R. Y.   (Member)

Songwriter: I don't understand why that music publisher never got back to me. I swear he said he wanted to publish my songs!

Songwriter's friend: What were his exact words?

Songwriter: He said to me, "Thees ees reeally sheet music!"

 
 
 Posted:   Oct 4, 2019 - 2:29 PM   
 By:   Kev McGann   (Member)

A fella is involved in a serious accident and he wakes up in a hospital room afterwards.
He has a feel around and when he lifts the blankets he sees his manhood is no more.
A doctor walks in and says 'now I know you must be heartbroken that we had to remove it, but you're very lucky you're in THIS hospital, because we are doing the first Penile Replacement operations'.
'You mean I can have it back again...how?'
Well, says the doctor, you can get the Basic Best of British model for 2 grand, the snaky Scotsman for 3 grand or the West Indies Wonder for 5 grand.
Thanks doc, but me and the missus always discuss money matters between both of us.
No problem, I'll go and get her from the waiting room says doc.
5 minutes pass and the doctor re-enters the room and asks 'well, what are you having?
And the guy says 'a new kitchen'

 
 Posted:   Oct 5, 2019 - 2:33 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

How hot do you like your hot sauce? (good to know it's gluten free)

 
 
 Posted:   Oct 8, 2019 - 4:45 AM   
 By:   Tall Guy   (Member)

How hot do you like your hot sauce? (good to know it's gluten free)



Yeah, because that gluten's a bugger to get out of your bedsheets.

 
 Posted:   Oct 8, 2019 - 4:59 AM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

How hot do you like your hot sauce? (good to know it's gluten free)



Yeah, because that gluten's a bugger to get out of your bedsheets.


big grinbig grinbig grin

Truth in advertising?

And we yell at our dogs for eating grass cuz we know they'll wind up messing the rug!

 
 Posted:   Nov 4, 2019 - 1:09 PM   
 By:   Justin Boggan   (Member)

Q: What type of music are balloons scared of?

A: Pop music!

 
 
 Posted:   Nov 4, 2019 - 1:22 PM   
 By:   joan hue   (Member)


A Baby Boomers' joke

I'm watching my 3 year old grandson pull up apps on his cellphone.

Me, well I just figured out how to turn off my cellphone without pulling out the battery.

 
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