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 Posted:   Mar 28, 2013 - 9:39 PM   
 By:   losher22   (Member)

New word in Webster's Dictionary - "Exhaustipated"

Definition - Too tired to give a shit.


Nice! Reminds me of one I use at work when I can:

"Anal Glaucoma"

Definition - When you don't see your ass coming in to work that day.

 
 Posted:   Oct 4, 2013 - 5:40 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

10 year old Timmy was burying something in his backyard. His neighbor, Mr. Jones, asked what it was.

"My goldfish died" Timmy said as he patted down the dirt.

"I'm sorry to hear that" Mr. Jones replied. "Isn't that a rather large hole for a fish?"

Timmy said "It's in the middle of your cat."

 
 Posted:   Oct 5, 2013 - 3:15 PM   
 By:   Mark R. Y.   (Member)

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9!

 
 Posted:   Dec 31, 2013 - 9:16 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will.

There is no need to remind him every six months about it.

 
 Posted:   Jan 2, 2014 - 12:41 PM   
 By:   jackfu   (Member)

You might have to be from the rural South (USA) to get these:

What has 102 legs and 6 teeth? Front row at a Merle Haggard concert.

“My wife says I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop anytime”.

A recently-widowed older lady decides to take up fishing for a hobby. She goes to a local bait and tackle store and is mildly surprised to find the proprietor is blind. She asks his advice for what to buy to start her new hobby. He reaches behind the counter, feels around and produces a nice rod and reel saying; “This is a good starter and it’s only $29.95”. He repeats the process and shows her a tackle box stocked with a good supply of lures, hooks, sinkers, etc. “This will get you going and it’s $39.95. With taxes that’ll be $73.40, ma’am.” Very impressed she asks; ”No offense intended but how were you able to find those items so quickly?” He replies; “Well it’s like they say, other senses such as hearing, smell, feel, can often compensate for a lack of eyesight.” “That’s amazing!” she says. She accidently drops her wallet to the floor and upon bending over to retrieve it she passes gas quite audibly. Slightly embarrassed and hoping he didn’t notice, she counts out $75. “Sorry ma’am”, but you’re a little short. That’ll be $137.87.” “But you just said ‘$73.40’!” she protests. He replies; “That was before you added the $49.95 duck call and the $7.95 catfish bait.”

 
 Posted:   Jan 2, 2014 - 6:25 PM   
 By:   Adam B.   (Member)

Two reasons why it is difficult to solve a Redneck murder...

  • All the DNA is the same

  • There are no dental records

  •  
     
     Posted:   Jan 2, 2014 - 6:30 PM   
     By:   dan the man   (Member)

    My aunt coming out of the beauty parlor.

     
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