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Since INSIDE DAISY CLOVER has been released by FSM, I began to think about Mr. & Mrs. American Nightmare's child and her future in media.
As far as I can tell she has minimal internet presence, which is okay for now but if she wants to be any sort of a mega-star someday, she needs a media management team.
So we need to help. It takes a village to raise a child as you know, and a village of addled, film-music-crazy nerds still counts as a village, right?
Here are the categories of media and media-related areas we need to have covered for her:
Hair
Makeup
Wardrobe
Film roles (these won't really open up for her until she can talk, so we have time)
Personal website
YouTube presence
Boyfriends or girlfriends (she'll tell us what she wants)
Marriage(s)
Workout Videos (for after she turns 40)
(Anything I've forgotten?)
Who here is going to take care of what? Please tell us what you'd like to handle.
I'd do hair and makeup but I've decided that I'll be in charge of criticizing the decisions everyone else makes. I'm good at that.
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...someone will think DavidinBerkeley is really, truly trying to run the life of someone else's child.
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So we need to help. It takes a village to raise a child as you know, and a village of addled, film-music-crazy nerds still counts as a village, right?
I think we're off to a flying start with the name "Baby Nightmare."
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I know talent in a nightmare when I spot it. Today...California...
...Tomorrow...
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Workout Videos (for after she turns 40)
Workout Videos, I can do!
Here's US in our Yoga outfits:
And here's the swim shoot photos of Ester William's junior (aka Ayla):
This is all fine for us here in the board, but someone needs to pin back those straps so there's no slack, and put double sided tape at the neckline. The Public wants their women to look perfect!
And does she have Vaseline on her teeth? That way her upper lip will slide reliably over her teeth when she smiles. The Public wants their women to be consistent!
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Vaseline on her teeth? BLECCCCHHHHH!!!!!! do people really do that? I bet David Letterman doesn't. 
Beauty is pain, baby.
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I do NOT know these general rules of thumb...
Knowing these things is not as simple as knowing a "general rule of thumb." It's actually a Gay Superpower.
And it's non-transferable. Sorry.
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David's list is pretty good to make that cutie pie a mega star, but you all are forgetting what she, like everyone else, will need. (Just in case she doesn't win American Idol.) After you have given her the wings to fly on her own, make sure she get a great education. That is priceless.
[in keeping with the comic and ludicrous intent of this thread, I reply to Joan thusly]:
An education is all very well, but think about it. Will an education earn you the respect of intelligent people? Will it help you make good decisions in a thoughtful manner? Will it PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE?
Well, actually, the answer to all that is "Yes, it will." But we're Americans. And as Americans we hold in highest esteem blonde starlets and the bloated millionaires who squire them around. We value shopping beyond our means, fake friends on Facebook, and a babe with a really awesome set of headlights. We want her to be the best she that she can be, see?
And we can't just think about ourselves now, can we? We need to make sure our excesses are available to Baby American Nightmare's generation.
So, can I put you down for a donation to Baby American Nightmare's plastic surgery fund? It will mature when she turns 50 and give her the opportunity that every American believes they deserve: to have plastic surgery from a doctor of THEIR choice in a resort hotel/hospital in the developing nation of THEIR choice.
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I wonder how she's doing.
Questions about her media presence should, though, take second place to the important one here:
How large is her soundtrack collection?
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