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OK the title is a bit of a cheat. I'm not opening a discussion as to the merits of either format, I'm just entering into the general silliness that pervades the world (well parts of it) at this time of year.
Some months ago my son bought his first vinyl LP (Stereo version of Zulu) it came as quite a shock to him, how much cleaning was required every time he played the record. He began to theorise about the pros and cons of both formats and came up with this discussion.
It made me laugh, so in the spirit of goodwill to all at Christmas, I thought I'd share it with you;
Scene 1 - A CD and a Record are having an argument:
CD: Vinyl, tell me, did you. . . . . .think about what I said?
Vinyl: Yes. Talked to a number of discs already. Spoken about reuse, about repurposing. Most of the records agree with me.
CD: Most? Not all?
Vinyl: No, not all.
CD: Which do not agree?
Vinyl: Well, the Monaural, the Unimprinted.
CD: Which are they?.. Yes, Vinyl. Which are they?
Vinyl: Would I retain your friendship if I became an informer?
CD: Telling the names of broken records is not informing.
Vinyl: They're not broken, they're Unique.
CD: Unique?! Let me explain something to you. Something you may not know. The Emporer is watching us. At this moment, he watches here. This is my great opportunity, and yours too. If I bring increased sales orders here, I can have any post I want. You'll rise with me, I promise. And do you know where it can end? Media Ventures! Perhaps at the side of Zimmer himself. I mean it. It can happen and this is the moment. I swear, this is the time. The Emporer is watching us, judging us. All I need do is serve him. And all you need do is help me serve him.
Vinyl: You speak as if he were God.
CD: He is God. The only God.
CD: He is power, musical power in films, not--Not that. (Gestures dismissively at Alex North collection)
CD: Help me, Vinyl.
Vinyl: I would do anything for you, except betray my own Format.
CD: In the name of all the BITS, what does the existence of a few Records mean to you?
Vinyl: If I cannot restore them, that does not mean I would help you... shatter them! Besides, you must understand this, I believe in the past and future of my technology.
CD: Future? You are a redundant technology!
Vinyl: You may conquer the market. You may slaughter the sales records. But that is not the end. We will rise again!
CD: You live on dead tech. You live on the sounds of the past. Rozsa's glory is gone. You think it will return? Hermann will not rise again to save you nor Newman! There is only one reality in the world today. Look to the West. Don't be a fool! Look to Media Ventures!
Vinyl: Better a fool than a bin-lid or a spare tyre!
CD: I am an Optical Storage Medium...
Vinyl: Who stores for Media Ventures, and Media Ventures is evil!
CD: I’ll scratch you--
Vinyl: No! I’ll scratch you! Optical Media is an affront to God. Compact Discs are smothering my format, my analogue nature, the whole earth! But not forever. And I tell you, the day CD Sales fall there will be a shout of freedom such as the world has never heard before.
CD: Either you help me or you oppose me. You have no other choice. You're either for me or against me.
Vinyl: If that is the choice. . . . . .then I am against you.
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