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Can we stop with two things that regularly happen in horror films? Firstly, dream sequences that aren't part of the plot but just an excuse for cheapjack "Boo!" moments. Secondly, hands reaching silently into frame towards the heroine's shoulder that turn out to belong to idiot boyfriends, and are just an excuse for cheapjack "Boo!" moments.
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Retire ALL the following formats;
(1) ALL crime/cop/forensic drama shows. A totally overdone genre by now.
(2) All UK shows about what your antiques are worth, how to auction your antiques, how to sell off your antiques, how to ascend the property ladder, how to fix up your property in order to sell it, how to find a new property, how to design a new property.
(3) All reality TV
(4) All talent show panel games
(5) All 'Get the audience to vote off someone each week to keep them interested' formats
(6) All cookery shows whatsoever
(7) All 'emergency' and medical soap-opera dramas of any kind
(8) All 'Star-Trek: the original crew's great-grandsons volume 93' spin-offs
(9) All 'psychics who work for the police' shows
(10) All 'family life' situation comedies. What about 'The Partridge Family in the Nicholas and Alexandra basement'? I'd pay to see that.
(11) All CGI Harry-Potterish castrations of Arthurian legneds etc.
(12) All 'most people think this, but we are now going to put a new slant on it, and show you the (actually stale) 'news' that it isn't really true' documentaries
(13) All awful historical reconstruction documentaries with re-enactment bad actors in costume being filmed in close-up and slow-motion.
(14) All American history shows that use corny sentimental emotional background music too often
(15) All 'UFOs are trying to infiltrate boring societies' shows
(16) All courtroom dramas ... it's a lazy style, and lawyers are too vain as it is
(17) All 'this is a hard-hitting documentary' presenters
(18) All ridiculous, unimaginative walnut-head makeup in 'Star-Trek'
(19) All 'Klingon' voice-over styles
(20) All teen comedies about rock-music schools, fame academies, etc. etc.
(21) All short-attention-span documentaries that repeat themselves 40 times in each episode, have 102 commercial breaks, each followed by a recap, and millions spent on CGI to illustrate something in half an hour that could be said in 10 seconds.
(22) Revisionist shows that look back at the 'best 100 whatevers' and don't need any new money spent on them
(23) 'don't animals do the craziest things?' and bread and circuses real life car-crash footage junk
(24) Blooper out-take shows. They were fun at the beginning, but now they're overdone, and let's face it ... endless sources of material that costs nothing. Every good take has five bad ones anyway.
(25) .... Oh, who cares? .... Let's face it, EVERYTHING's cliche now. The medium is wrecked. Bring back old experimental TV, live, risk-taking etc..
TELEVISION IS CRAP AND HAS BEEN FOR DECADES.
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WilliamD:
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Posted: |
Apr 21, 2009 - 8:40 AM
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By: |
Greg Bryant
(Member)
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Retire ALL the following formats;
(1) ALL crime/cop/forensic drama shows. A totally overdone genre by now.
(2) All UK shows about what your antiques are worth, how to auction your antiques, how to sell off your antiques, how to ascend the property ladder, how to fix up your property in order to sell it, how to find a new property, how to design a new property.
(3) All reality TV
(4) All talent show panel games
(5) All 'Get the audience to vote off someone each week to keep them interested' formats
(6) All cookery shows whatsoever
(7) All 'emergency' and medical soap-opera dramas of any kind
(8) All 'Star-Trek: the original crew's great-grandsons volume 93' spin-offs
(9) All 'psychics who work for the police' shows
(10) All 'family life' situation comedies. What about 'The Partridge Family in the Nicholas and Alexandra basement'? I'd pay to see that.
(11) All CGI Harry-Potterish castrations of Arthurian legneds etc.
(12) All 'most people think this, but we are now going to put a new slant on it, and show you the (actually stale) 'news' that it isn't really true' documentaries
(13) All awful historical reconstruction documentaries with re-enactment bad actors in costume being filmed in close-up and slow-motion.
(14) All American history shows that use corny sentimental emotional background music too often
(15) All 'UFOs are trying to infiltrate boring societies' shows
(16) All courtroom dramas ... it's a lazy style, and lawyers are too vain as it is
(17) All 'this is a hard-hitting documentary' presenters
(18) All ridiculous, unimaginative walnut-head makeup in 'Star-Trek'
(19) All 'Klingon' voice-over styles
(20) All teen comedies about rock-music schools, fame academies, etc. etc.
(21) All short-attention-span documentaries that repeat themselves 40 times in each episode, have 102 commercial breaks, each followed by a recap, and millions spent on CGI to illustrate something in half an hour that could be said in 10 seconds.
(22) Revisionist shows that look back at the 'best 100 whatevers' and don't need any new money spent on them
(23) 'don't animals do the craziest things?' and bread and circuses real life car-crash footage junk
(24) Blooper out-take shows. They were fun at the beginning, but now they're overdone, and let's face it ... endless sources of material that costs nothing. Every good take has five bad ones anyway.
(25) .... Oh, who cares? .... Let's face it, EVERYTHING's cliche now. The medium is wrecked. Bring back old experimental TV, live, risk-taking etc..
TELEVISION IS CRAP AND HAS BEEN FOR DECADES.
But then...there would be nothing on TV. Just blank screens. 
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The "flashlights instead of room lights" thing is done on every episode of every CSI show. I'm wondering if this is a real procedural thing with actual CSI units. Does the use of flashlights instead of room lights tend to focus one's attention on a single thing at a time, thus avoiding overlooking a crucial piece of evidence?
Maybe they always figure that if there are going to be any fingerprints in the room, they'll be on the light switch. Or more likely they do it because they think it looked cool in THE X-FILES (except it didn't, really).
I'd also like them to stop doing reality TV shows about cops in the UK. Unless there's guns and shooting, I'm not interested. I'm always reminded of the line in ALIENS when the Marines are told they can't use their pulse rifles or whatever: "What the hell do we use now, harsh language?".
I don't think we need to lose everything off Mr McCrum's list - but I would bring much of it down to a sensible level by a merciless cull. If I were the head of British TV networks (and it's really a mercy for everyone that I'm not) I'd get the executive producers behind the forty-three cookery shows in a room and tell them: "from now one there are going to be three. Give me a hundred words on why yours should be one of them." On the same principle I'd reduce every soap opera to two episodes a week maximum and axe every gaudy talent show. But on a purely selfish level I'd recommission RED DWARF because I really like it.
I'd move the f-word watershed back to 10pm. I'd also decree that timeslots were set in stone and tough luck if your beloved golf overruns, because we're cutting away and sticking with the schedule. For the BBC I'd probably put all the likely-overrunning sports on BBC3, which doesn't matter as it's basically a repeats and bad comedy channel. Overpaid halfwits like Ross, Norton, Brand and Moyles would be ditched as soon as contractually possible and not renewed; the vast oceans of money saved would go into writers, comedy and new drama. There'd also be a 10-year moratorium on period adaptations of the Jane Austen variety. Vote Platini.
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